mother's day

last year on mother's day my cheeks were flushed and my eyes were red from tears. i went to church and my husband held my hand as our pastor recognized all of the mother's in the crowd, i sat in my seat trying to stop the tears as they flowed down my cheeks. another failed fertility treatment was all that i could think of that day, another pregnancy test with only 1 line. my heart was so full and so sad. i felt hopeless and that was an awful feeling. all i ever wanted in life was to be a wife and a mother and last year i wasnt sure when that was going to happen...it felt like it never would but i knew God had a plan for my journey to motherhood.

this year was different. there is no baby growing in my belly and there is no baby in my arms...but there is a baby growing inside of his/her first mothers womb. there is a baby who is so loved by his/her first mother and she will want the very best for him that she will one day soon make a plan for her child...a plan that involves me. a plan that will forever join two families together...a birth family and an adoptive family. two mothers...one that gets to feel this baby grow in her womb, kicking and moving as the months go on...one that will see the baby moving on a screen and hear its a boy or its girl...one that has to make the most difficult decision of their lives as she decides that she can not parent this child she is carrying...one that even after making this hard hard decision she still has to endure labor and then experience the loss of a child.

and then the other mother...me. though i had no baby growing and moving in my tummy i get to be a mom. this year i will get the blessing of becoming a first time mom. while one mother will be grieving the loss of her child, we will be celebrating the life of our first child. this is hard for me to think about. i pray for her so much. that she will have loads of support as she makes this choice.

so today as i celebrated my mother, and all other mothers...i was also thinking alot about our babys first mother. i wonder what this day was like for her. i wondered if she has other children that were able to celebrate her today? i wonder if this baby in her womb is her first child? i wonder if she cried today...i wonder if she doubted her decision of adoption today? my heart literally aches to think of the possible heartache she could be feeling. i hope someone made her feel special today, i hope someone lifted her up and told her happy mothers day! i hope someone wrapped their arms around her neck and hugged her tightly.  i hope that someone offered reassurance and support of her plans of adoption for her child. i hope that someone showed her how much they love her today.

EVERY mother deserves to feel special today. no matter if you are a mother who gave birth, a mother through adoption, a first mother...a mother who lost a child...or a mother who is still waiting to concieve or to give birth...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU!!!