butterflies

i went to bed last night with butterflies of excitement in my stomach. i woke up this morning and they were still there....i also felt overwhelming peace. i KNOW this comes from God, because without Him i know the peace would not be there on my own because this waiting is hard.

im not sure why i have these feelings...maybe because God is preparing us for the soon arrival of our baby, or maybe its because God is giving me the peace i need to get through a long hard wait!

either way i am so thankful that this peace and comfort is here with me. the butterflies of excitement are also lots of fun...i love having something so huge, beautiful & forever life changing to anticipate...that is a gift in its self.

sweet dreams of my baby tonight...

my heart is ready

i want to blog...i really do, but i just dont know what to say. we havent heard anything else, at all. im not sure if we are even being considered by these expectant women or if they just took a quick look at our profile and that was that.
i was foolish to think this was going to be easy. i thought knowing we have been shown would be enough...i thought not knowing any details about either woman or either baby would keep me from constantly thinking about it. why would i have thought that!?!

i think about them all the time...i pray for them all the time.

last night was VERY hard...i shed lots of tears in a hot bathtub of water.  I spent hours talking to God. asking Him to help me remember how much he loves me and to still sing His praises everyday...for my God is amazing! asking Him to help me to not try and lean on my own understanding but to give this FULLY to him. im a work in progress.

i found out today that i will only find out an outcome on those profile viewings if we are chosen, otherwise i just wait for my next monthly update. i will continue to pray for both of these women and the decisions that they are facing. i pray that if they dont know Christ that they will come to know Him and turn to Him and feel the comfort that only He can give.

my heart is so ready. each day that motherly ache inside of me grows stronger and stronger. the room is ready...the carseat is sitting in the babys room. the baby clothes is washed. the rocker is begging to rock. our jobs know that we could leave at any moment.

oh how i am ready to have my sweet one in my arms...but i do not know what my God has in store for us. does he have something to teach me in a long wait for our first child...or is my great joy just around the corner. i still find peace in knowing that even though i dont know the answer that question, God does...its His plan.


last night when i was spending some time in prayer...i found some letters that i wrote in december, about a month after we made the decision to adopt. i had written them to our baby to be and im so glad that i read them last night...i wrote to our sweet son or daughter and told them about the comfort i feel in my heart knowing that God already knows who they are, what they will look like...what their birthday will be...where they will be born, who their first mother is...He also knows the intense joy i will feel when i hold him/her in my arms for the first time. He knows all of those answers...and for tonight that is enough to bring a smile to my face.

First Agency Update :)

so all day i have been debating over if i wanted to share this on my blog or not. not that i believe in "jinx" (because i dont) but i just never knew how much i wanted to share before something was set in stone. but i decided that the whole reason for this blog is to keep people updated on our adoption journey and to find love and support from others in this rollercoaser towards parenthood!

so this morning, after hitting snooze a few extra times, i decided to check my email before getting ready for work and the update i had been waiting on was waiting for me in my inbox. it was not what i was hoping for. It said that as of 6/11/10 that our profile had not been shown. Our sweet caseworker tried to reassure me that ALOT is going on at the agency and that it is normal for it to take a month or 2 to be shown. so...on i went with my day!

disappointed but still hopeful

and then another email came a few hours later. it was from "B" again and she said that she was just informed that our profile had been shown at the end of last week but that the expectant mother had not made a decision yet and that we may not want to get too excited because this particular situation is very unpredictable.

we know nothing more. i took it for what it is...and honestly i was shocked that i didnt totally freak out. i had no real information on this situation and i figure if the agency is telling me not to get excited...then i probably should NOT get excited!

well around 5:30 this evening i realized that i had another email from our caseworker...she just wanted to let us know that the same day last week our profile was presented to ANOTHER expectant mother.
so that means that we were presented twice in one day!

we do not know anything else...like at all...about either family that we were presented to but it sure is exciting to know that things are happening! and it totally gives me goosebumps to know that the profile books that we glued pictures into were in the hands of 2 women who were considering us (even if only for a moment) to be the parents of their unborn babies!

tonight i am so praying for these two women and the babies that they are carrying...no matter what decision they might choose. i pray that they have love and support as they are making this decision. and i hope that they are overcome with peace when making their decisions...again, whatever choice that may be!

so im not sure yet if these ladies are even interested in us...right now i just now that we were presented to them. thats it. thats my update...

for now ;)

Guest Blogger!!

Hello all!! My name is Avery and I am taking over my Aunt Tina's blog...just for today! In case you havent heard...Aunt Tina and Uncle Karl are going to have a BABY!!! Isnt that great!?! Im finally going to be a big cousin, I mean sure...it is great being the baby cousin...but I am ready to have someone to boss around :-)

Well, being the sweetie that I am, I decided to give my aunt & uncle a trial run of parenthood! Lets call it Parenting 101

I had lots of fun with them! They are great and love to spoil me with love and kisses!! Aunt Tina and I had a great time...she took me swimming and I was a natural! Plus I look so cute in my swimsuit, dont believe me?? Here is a picture...

Lets see...after we went swimming it was time for supper and aunt tina let me feed myself! It was so much fun and she didnt even get mad when I threw some on the floor :-)

Next came bath time! I LOVE BATH TIME!!

Wheww! Im getting tired just thinking about all of the fun we had...I think its time for a bottle and then it will be lights out for me! I think I miiiight wake up during the night...just to see my favorite aunt of course! I dont think she will mind one bit!

             So baby cousin...wherever you might be! Your parents are ready for you...and I am too!

P.S. today is Fathers Day...and my daddy is serving our country overseas...Happy Fathers Day DAD!!!

one month closer!

so i just realized that our profiles were recieved at our agency on may 17th...and today is june 17th. one month of waiting is behind us...some days are very hard. i think im struggling because we were told by many that this would happen fast and what is considered "fast" in my eyes and what is "fast" for the world of adoption are two very different things! im realizing that i had unrealistic timelines on our adoption and that despite me truely believing that our baby will only come on Gods precious timing...to trust His timing day to day is not so easy, its hard.
i KNOW one month of waiting is not a long time, lots of people wait several months...some even wait multiple years waiting for that call that will forever change their lives. i feel selfish sometimes for being sad at the end of day when i know today wont be the day that we get "the call". i spend my days trying to talk with God whenever i feel down and thanking Him for all of the ways that he has blessed us so far in this journey. so please continue to pray for us as we wait.

i am trying out a new perspective as we wait...actually it is my sweet mom that started saying this to me and i think its beautiful and it really does help me (most days...)   :-)
she always says tomorrow is one day closer to meeting your baby...and you know what? she is very right! sure i desperately wanted my phone to ring for the past month...but guess what, now we are one month closer to our sweet sweet baby!! for the first time, maybe ever, i now look forward to mondays!!!
each monday is the start of a new week, a week that just might hold the phone call that will bless our socks off. and if friday comes...and then saturday & sunday and my phone is still silent, then guess what...its ok because that just means that we are one week closer and it also means a new week, with new possibilities is starting...i could go on & on.
NO this wont be easy. YES somedays i will still be in a funk and just cry out to Jesus but i want this time of waiting to be filled with excitement, love...and anticipation for our first child, i dont want to look back and know that i moped around the whole time! (not that i have been)

anyways...WE ARE ONE MONTH CLOSER!!!!!! we could not get to our baby without going through this past month!

p.s. monday, our wonderful caseworker "B" is going to be giving us our first big update, so i am VERY excited. praying for good news! Adoption Associates Inc has been so kind and helpful as we are starting this journey...they are a blessing in our lives.

i cant sing this enough...

if you have not heard this song, i say go...right now...and listen to it! its absolutely beautiful and it describes so perfectly the cry of my heart. each day that my phone doesnt ring, each day that our precious baby is not placed into our arms...each day that passes with no news is because God is still weaving His plan together. He is preparing us, preparing our baby, preparing our babys first parents...

i love in the song when Josh Wilson sings, "the pain that you've been feeling cant compare to the joy thats coming"
like i said before, i just do not for one second believe that God has led us this far to leave us now!

I hope you have a blessed weekend! Please continue to pray for us...we are quickly approaching the 1 month mark of officially waiting...hoping there arent many more months to go!

Josh Wilson - Before the Morning


From the album Life is Not A Snapshot



Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there's a God who loves you

Where is He now

Maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you'll see you'll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
And You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God

But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Come on you've gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
Before the morning

fun weekend and pictures to prove it!

i just got the delightful treat of a VERY long weekend. last week i got off of work on wednesday and did not have to be back at work until tuesday...today. my weekend was so full and so fun and exactly what i needed! we got to spend tons of time with our family and it was AWESOME. i felt really blessed to be able to just relax, enjoy the sunshine and spend some much needed quality time with karl and our family!
the past 2 weeks of being officially waiting had started to take a toll on me and this long weekend helped to relax and rejuvenate me. i was able to focus on something other than my phone ringing (or not ringing) and i finally feel at peace with the wait. i realized today at work that i only checked my phone maybe 10 times instead of 50 times a day like i did last week :)  God is so good and i know and believe that He has not led us this far in this journey to leave us now...i KNOW he has plan, i KNOW he already knows who our baby is and that He planned for this baby to be ours long before i was even born. this gives me the warm fuzzies!!

i feel hopeful and excited about the weeks to come!

ok...now some pictures!!
friday night my neice spent the night at our house!!! it was beyond fun to have a baby in the house and she is such a doll...i mean really, she was great!

we went swimming :)

then Karl and i headed to New Orleans to visit some more neices and our nephew!

at the botanical gardens...it was BEAUTIFUL

out at the lake with the kiddos...i love these kids!

my love!